“But there’s no space for emotions in the office.”
A participant shared this during a recent corporate training session that Rubini and I facilitated.
The statement reflects a common workplace belief: that professionalism requires us to separate emotions from communication.
But emotions do not disappear when we enter the workplace.
They influence our tone, body language, decisions and responses to other people. Even when we do not name what we feel, colleagues may still notice our frustration, uncertainty or defensiveness without understanding where it is coming from.
The question, then, is not whether emotions belong at work. They are already there.
A more useful question is:
How can we communicate what we are experiencing without blaming someone or creating unnecessary defensiveness?
One practical technique we introduce during Mind Movers’ workplace programmes is the I-message.
An I-message helps someone describe what they are experiencing, connect it to a specific situation and make a clear request.
It does not remove emotion from the conversation. It helps us communicate that emotion more thoughtfully.
Emotions Already Affect How We Communicate
There is a difference between acknowledging emotions and reacting impulsively.
Making space for emotions at work does not mean expressing every feeling immediately or expecting colleagues to manage our emotions for us.
It means recognising that emotions are already influencing how we communicate.
When frustration is not acknowledged, it may emerge through a sharp tone.
When anxiety is not addressed, it may appear as avoidance, overthinking or difficulty making decisions.
When someone feels dismissed, they may become defensive or withdraw from the conversation entirely.
Trying to suppress these emotions does not necessarily make communication more professional. It may simply make the emotional message less clear.
Professional communication is not the absence of emotion.
It is the ability to recognise what we are experiencing, regulate how we respond and communicate our needs clearly.
Recognising What We Feel
Before communicating an emotion, it helps to understand what we are actually experiencing.
Emotions can provide useful information about what is happening within and around us.
Anxiety may alert us to uncertainty.
Frustration may indicate that something is blocking an important goal.
Sadness may reflect disappointment or loss.
Anger may tell us that a boundary has been crossed or that something feels unfair.
However, emotions do not always provide the full explanation.
Feeling dismissed does not automatically mean someone intended to dismiss us. Feeling anxious does not necessarily mean that something dangerous is happening.
Emotions provide information, but they are not always complete interpretations of a situation.
The goal is therefore not to suppress an emotion or immediately act on it.
The goal is to notice what we feel, consider what may have contributed to it and choose how we want to respond.
This is emotional regulation.
It does not mean forcing ourselves to become calm or pleasant as quickly as possible. It means creating enough space between the feeling and our reaction to communicate more intentionally.
What Is an I-Message?
An I-message is a way of expressing an experience without immediately assigning blame to another person.
A simple structure is:
I feel [emotion] when [specific situation happens].
Could we [clear request or desired outcome]?
For example:
I feel overwhelmed when I am interrupted before I can complete my point. Could I finish explaining it before we discuss it?
This is different from saying:
You are always interrupting me.
The second statement focuses on the other person’s behaviour as a personal accusation.
The first statement describes the speaker’s experience, identifies the situation and offers a clear way forward.
An I-message does not mean avoiding accountability or pretending that harmful behaviour is acceptable.
It simply helps us communicate what happened and what we need with greater clarity.
How to Build an I-Message
An effective I-message usually includes four parts.
1. Name the Emotion
Try to identify the emotion as specifically as possible.
Instead of saying:
I feel bad.
Consider whether you feel:
- Frustrated
- Anxious
- Discouraged
- Confused
- Overwhelmed
- Disappointed
- Excluded
Naming an emotion clearly can make it easier to understand what you need.
2. Describe the Specific Situation
Focus on what happened rather than making a judgement about the other person’s personality or intentions.
Instead of:
You do not respect my time.
Try:
When a meeting starts later than scheduled without an update…
The more specific the situation is, the easier it is for the other person to understand what you are referring to.
3. Explain What Would Help
Consider what you need in order to move forward.
This may include:
- More information
- Clearer expectations
- Time to finish speaking
- Specific feedback
- A change in how updates are communicated
- Support with prioritising tasks
4. Make a Clear Request
A clear request gives the other person something practical to respond to.
Instead of expecting someone to guess what would make the situation better, explain what you are asking for.
The request should be realistic, specific and open to discussion.
Examples of I-Messages at Work
When You Are Interrupted
Instead of:
You keep interrupting me.
Try:
I feel frustrated when I am interrupted before I can complete my point. Could I finish explaining it before we discuss it?
When Feedback Is Unclear
Instead of:
Your feedback does not make sense.
Try:
I felt unsure about the feedback on my presentation. Could you show me which sections need to be revised?
When Instructions Come From Multiple Places
Instead of:
Everyone keeps giving me different instructions.
Try:
I feel overwhelmed when instructions come from several places at once. Could we keep the updates in one email thread so I can track them properly?
When Criticism Does Not Include Guidance
Instead of:
You are always criticising my work.
Try:
I feel discouraged when I receive criticism without specific guidance. Could you show me what a stronger version would look like?
When Priorities Change Suddenly
Instead of:
You keep changing your mind.
Try:
I feel unsettled when priorities change without an update. I understand that plans may need to shift. Could we agree on how changes will be communicated?
These examples are not scripts that must be repeated word for word.
The structure is a thinking guide. It can be adapted to suit the relationship, situation and communication style of the people involved.
Why I-Messages Can Support Clearer Communication
I-messages can help reduce unnecessary blame by separating three things that often become mixed together:
- What we are feeling
- What happened
- What we are asking for
This makes the message easier to understand.
It can also reduce guessing.
The other person does not have to interpret a vague statement such as “I’m not happy with this” or “You need to do better.” They receive clearer information about the situation and what may help.
However, simply beginning a sentence with the word “I” does not automatically make it constructive.
For example:
I feel that you are inconsiderate.
This is still a judgement about the other person.
A more useful version would be:
I felt overlooked when the decision was made before I had a chance to share my input. Could I contribute before the next decision is finalised?
The purpose of an I-message is not to hide criticism inside softer language.
It is to communicate an experience in a way that supports understanding and gives the conversation somewhere to go.
When an I-Message May Not Be Enough
An I-message can help us organise our thoughts and communicate with less blame.
However, it cannot guarantee that another person will respond constructively.
Power also matters.
An employee may communicate carefully and still be dismissed by a manager.
Someone may hesitate to name an emotion if previous attempts to speak honestly have been met with ridicule, punishment or retaliation.
In these situations, the problem is not simply that the employee needs a better communication technique.
I-messages are also not an appropriate substitute for action when someone is experiencing bullying, discrimination, harassment, intimidation or repeated harmful behaviour.
These situations may require support from a trusted leader, Human Resources representative or another appropriate organisational channel.
An I-message is one tool for healthier communication.
It is not a replacement for accountability, supportive leadership or appropriate organisational action.
Communication Is One Part of Psychological Safety
Psychological safety is sometimes described as the ability to speak up, ask questions, admit mistakes or raise concerns without fear of humiliation or punishment.
Clear communication can contribute to that environment, but psychological safety does not rest on one employee finding the perfect words.
Leaders and organisations also shape whether people feel safe enough to communicate honestly.
When someone raises a concern, how does the leader respond?
Do they become defensive?
Do they dismiss the concern?
Do they punish the person for speaking?
Or do they listen, ask questions and respond with appropriate action?
A workplace cannot ask employees to communicate openly while repeatedly showing them that honesty is unsafe.
Psychological safety grows when employees are able to express themselves thoughtfully and when leaders respond with curiosity, respect and accountability.
Both sides matter.
Building Healthier Workplace Communication
Emotions are not separate from the way we work.
They shape how we receive feedback, respond to pressure, handle conflict and connect with the people around us.
The goal is not to bring every emotion into every conversation without reflection.
It is to build the awareness and communication skills needed to respond more intentionally.
I-messages are one practical tool for doing that.
They help us pause, identify what we are experiencing and turn an emotional reaction into a clearer conversation.
At Mind Movers, our Psychological Safety and Emotional Intelligence workshops help teams practise these skills through workplace scenarios, facilitated discussion and practical communication tools.
Explore our instructor-led workshops or speak to the Mind Movers team about building a programme around your organisation’s needs.